Monday, December 11, 2006

ACC Hoops Venues To Be Renamed After Bassists
Insides sources have revealed that ACC officials are on the verge of announcing a new ruling that would require ACC basketball venues to immediately be renamed after rock and roll bass players. This move follows the resounding success that the University of Virginia has had with it's new baskeball venue, John Paul Jones Arena. Sources say that a top secret taskforce has made this recommendation, and such a move would have been made sooner except for it took the taskforce a while to determine which schools are now members of the diluted, yet profitable, conference.

ACC officials had monitored the Unversity of Virginia move, which was not without controversy. Current Virginia students, and some younger alumni, favored Stefan Lessard Arena, while some much older alumni actively lobbied for Charlie Pastorfield Arena. The move to name the new arena after John Paul Jones was considered a compromise, found acceptable by both groups.

After closely watching the process at Virginia, ACC officials secretly put a taskforce together to consider making a similar change, conference-wide. There was a great deal of controversy within the taskforce. Special permission was given to Duke University, after much debate, to be allowed to retain the word "Indoor" as part of the name of its venue. University officials successfully argued that, otherwise, the name would be confusing to students. Another controversy involved the University of Miami taskforce representative, who was adamant that the Miami facility be named after the bass player for 2 Live Crew. The representative initially refused to believe that such a musical ensemble would not have a bass player. The school's second choice, Meshell Ndegeocello Field House, was also rejected, as it would have been impossible for Dick Vitale to pronounce.

Basketball venues at ACC universities will be renamed as follows:

Boston College - Tom Hamilton Hall
Clemson - Littletommy Caldwell Coliseum
Duke - Corey Parks Indoor Stadium
Florida State - Lamar Williams Memorial Arena
Georgia Tech - Mike Mills Municipal Center
Maryland - Tina Weymouth Field House
Miami - Bootsy Collins Civic Center
North Carolina - Flea Hall
North Carolina State - Faye Hunter Auditorium
Virginia Tech - Les Claypool Gymnasium
Wake Forest University - Phil Lesh Center


Shedd said...

Hmmm....Bill Wyman didn't make the cut. I guess that's what he gets for just standing there.

While on the subject of bass players and the Stones, let's give a shout out to local D.C. legend and the recently passed Jeff Sarli.

tadcranky said...

Wyman's so bitter, it was bound to bite him.

Sad about Sarli, I hate it when guys in their 40s die.

cleavers44 said...

I thought Maryland would go with Sid Vicious Center, since both Sid and Len Bias O.D'd.

tadcranky said...

Sid would have been good, I went with Weymouth because when I think of UMd, I think Burning Down the House...

Anonymous said...

dang. shouldn't anything in florida be named after Jaco?