Saturday, February 10, 2007

Mooninites Killed Anna Nicole

While the official word is that the autopsy of Anna Nicole Smith, by the Florida firm I Can't Believe I'm a Medical Examiner, doesn't give any clues as to the gold-digging reality star's demise, fingers are starting to point at the two Mooninites -- Ignigknot, the haughty, green one, and Err, the smaller, purple, irascible one -- who recently held the city of Boston hostage. The Mooninites are one-dimensional cartoon characters from the Moon, convinced of the superiority of their people, and determined to establish world domination. To further this goal, sources say that they wanted to procreate with a multi-dimensional being, to create a new race with the intellect of the Mooninites, yet with some more meat on their backsides. The buxom Anna Nicole Smith was selected to be the mother of this new generation, and sources say that Ignigknot was the father of her baby.

The unstable and highly irritable Err, it is reported, grew despondent over the relationship between Ignigknot and Smith, a despondency that reached it's peak on Thurday, when he exclaimed "Eat this," and shot Smith with a Mooninite death ray. In all previous cases, targets of the slow-moving death ray have been able to avoid harm by just stepping away from it. But the heavily medicated Smith did not notice the ray, and took a full-on hit. This would explain why, when the lifeless Smith was discovered, there was no "physical injury, such as blunt force trauma, gunshot wound, stab wounds or asphyxia," according to the medical examiner, who also said that no illegal drugs were found in her room, only Valium and antibiotics. Nor were pills "visible to the naked eye" found in her body. There were "weird track marks" on the carpeting in her room, which were probably from the space ship that Err used to flee the scene. The whereabouts of Err and Ignigknot are unknown.

1 comment:

cleavers44 said...

God help us if they've acquired the Journey Belt of Power.